JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
