did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
