Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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