): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
