I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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