What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
