you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
