I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
