Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
