I will die if light touches me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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