New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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