What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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