Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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