he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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