Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
