If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
