Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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