I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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