Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
