Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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