I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
