We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
