R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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