fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
