I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
