I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
