Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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