Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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