i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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