i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize