Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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