I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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