Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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