I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
