That's when you crack a 10am beer
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
