I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
