His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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