Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
