His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
did i just pee glitter
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
