Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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