If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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