Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
