just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him āfuck meā eyes during a lecture a few times.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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