you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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