You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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