I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
