She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
