Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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