and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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