I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
