Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
