shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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