I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
