That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
