WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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