that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
