Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
