What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
