Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
