told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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