my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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