I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
