No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
