wakey wakey hands off snakey
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I want is dick and wine.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
