Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
