yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
