It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
